EMBRACE THE HARBINGER--Mirage FanFic Book II Discussion Thread

[Zazdor]

This is the home discussion thread for my fan-fiction work: EMBRACE THE HARBINGER, Mirage War Trilogy Book II.

This is the story of Mirage/Visions card-sets based on all possible information:

1. Wizards of the Coast's official statements/summaries and the extended version by Jeff Lee (originally posted on the Legends of Magic site here at MtGNews.com).
2. The Mirage and Visions card sets - art and flavor.
3. LEGENDS I Trilogy by Clayton Emery for information on Southern Jamuraa and Shauku.
4. THE COLORS OF MAGIC ("Angel of Vengeance"), THE DRAGONS OF MAGIC ("Dragon of Jamuraa"), THE MYTHS OF MAGIC ("Isle of the Lost" and "Hand of Justice"), THE SECRETS OF MAGIC ("Burning Vengeance") and THE MONSTERS OF MAGIC ("Who is Queen?") for stories about Jamuraan history, culture, and miscellaneous information.
5. PROPHECY by Vance Moore for post-Mirage War Jamuraa (particularly Zhalfir) and some tid-bits of history.
6. RATH AND STORM (mostly "Karn's Tale" and "Starke's Tale") for Jamuraa/Zhalfir during and right after the War (which is where Vuel's rampage fits in chronologically).
7. WAYFARER #2 for artwork of Quirion elves.
8. EMPEROR'S FIST by Scott McGough for information about Bogardan (if the story calls for references).
9. TIME STREAMS by J.R.King for information on Teferi.
10. INVASION by J.R.King for the future fate of Zhalfir and information on the Mage Corps.

I am writing the story based on the idea that Mirage WOULD be a trilogy, and so many of the events in my fiction will be of my own creation, but will stay true (for the most part) to the characters and overall plot that is provided (allowing me some artistic license).

Before reading EMBRACE THE HARBINGER, read Book I:HELD IN THE LION'S EYE.

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EMBRACE THE HARBINGER
~Mirage War Cycle Book II~

A Continent of Promise. Leaders of Prominence. Villains of Power.

Jamuraa has risen to a Golden Age with the aid of Mangara, just as Teferi had begun an age of peace decades previous. When Teferi left, the peoples of Jamuraa fell to threats of war and acts of aggression. Recently, Mangara has gone missing . . .

As Zhalfir, Femeref and Suq’Ata are reduced to arguments, Kaervek urges them to “abandon hope.”

*~*~*
TABLE OF CONTENTS
PART THREE: Alarum
- Chapter Twenty-Eight: Dragon-Scales’ Bane
- Chapter Twenty-Nine: Messages of Murder
- Chapter Thirty: Messages of Interest
- Chapter Thirty-One: Messages of Concern
- Chapter Thirty-Two: Pride
- Chapter Thirty-Three: Foretellings
- Chapter Thirty-Four: To Be a Zhalfiran
- Chapter Thirty-Five: Sidar Jabari
- Chapter Thirty-Six: Dragon Hunters
- Chapter Thirty-Seven: Rising Action
- Chapter Thirty-Eight: Envy

- EMBRACE THE HARBINGER Discussion Thread
*~*~*

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I value all feedback. I will take into account your preferences and suggestions as I write the story, so please answer the poll and let me know who you are interested in! All of these characters appear in EMBRACE THE HARBINGER, but I would like to know who you want to hear about the most!

[Spiritual Herder]

First post in our new thread and proud of that.

I updated my sig (Zaz check the quote) and am ready to embrace the harbinger (I finally spelled it correctly!).

I see I was right about my guess of the new character about to be introduced, since Zaz almost gave it away in his above post. We will have to wait till May for the first chapter of Alarum, but that doesn't mean we won't be discussing in the meantime. Who's aboard anyway?

[Zazdor]

Thanks for the props in your signature, Spiritual Herder!

And all I'll say about Chapter Twenty-Eight is that it's title is Dragon-Scales' Bane. I'm sure you could come to some conclusions. But whatever they are, I am still sure I'll manage to surprise you a bit in the first chapter!

As for discussion: There is a line in Chapter Twenty-Six (Treacherous Reunion) that should raise a question about Shauku. If it doesn't then I failed in my attempt to pique more interest, but it's there regardless. Try to find it, and I'll try to keep myself from spoiling it in my replies to you haha!

[Zazdor]

There are a phenomenal number of viewings of this thread, but so few votes. Since I have already begun writing Book II, and am continually planning the details of the book, please vote on the poll and let me know who you are interested in--or maybe just comment in a reply post. Thanks!

[Zazdor]

Okay, I don't want to wait so long any more. These boards have been relatively quite.

I will not post all of Chapter Twenty-Eight until May 2nd or 3rd, but here is an introduction to it--and it's a little more than a couple paragraphs. Enjoy! Comment as you wish, because I can still alter a few things in the chapter based on criticisms. Prepare to embrace the harbinger...

*~*~*
EMBRACE THE HARBINGER
PART THREE: Alarum
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Dragon-Scales' Bane

The Zhalfiran village of Arangal was situated half-way between Kipamu and Salamzuri in the Mtenda Plains, east of the great city of Tefemburu and near the passages leading into the Teremko Mountains. Temka Duurambi was proud of the fact that his village was self-sufficient, thriving without protection of the warclans and only managing occasional attention from House Sibak which oversaw the area. Arangal was speckled with trees, interspersed with huts and homes. Everyone in the village knew each family and their history, providing an intimate life.

Temka himself was a prominent herder, and had a loving wife and two children, both in their mid-twenties already. He was also the warden of the village, appointed by Nobleman Sibak, just as his father had been. His wife, Yonau, was using the village fire-pit with some of the other women, cooking a meal. His son Raul was aiding Mtam in building an addition to his hut, while Rashida, his daughter, had gone to run as she enjoyed doing—physical labor was not for women to worry themselves with. Temka had just returned from the fields, leaving a few boys in charge.

A few travelers who came through Arangal a couple days ago had brought little informative news from Kipamu. The Royal Emissary had indeed left his position months ago, leaving the Noble Houses to contest for power. The Guilds, apparently, had taken a stand for unity, but the travelers could not expound much more than that. The commoners of Kipamu went on as they always had, not much affected yet by the political bickering. Temka had known much of that for months. Kipamu politics barely affected Arangal.

He walked into the small room he and Yanau shared, and took off his shirt, revealing his trim, aged body. He replaced the shirt with a sleeveless vest, and walked back outside to find his friend Durman. It usually would not have been difficult to find the heavier man, but everyone was outside their huts and houses, and many people came into the village from the field at a run. Temka searched the crowd for his wife. Something was wrong. The usual calm streets were crowded with peasants. They were all looking up—into the sky.

Dragons circled Arangal.
*~*~*

[Spiritual Herder]

Temka himself was a prominent herder

You bet he was!!!

Dragons circled Arangal

When I read this last phrase, I was left speechless. Dragons in Zhalfir!!!!
The last time we saw dragons was in the first chapter, wasn't it? (Zirilian of the Claw and Hivvis of the Scale?) We saw them accompanying (and carrying) Jolrael as part of a pact (?) between Jolrael and the dragons. Does this mean that the appearance of the dragons is directly connected to the Empress of Beasts herself?? And if I follow this train of thoughts is it connected to Kaervek???? I do know who's going to save the day and Arangal, but why spoil it? After all I'm eager to see if the dragons are going to attack or not.

[the Squirle master]

Whooo!!! happy happy joy joy happy happy joy!

That migth sound a litlle odd as a reaply to chapter 28, but I'm so happy the story is back.

Great chapter too. action, emotion, zirrilan, hivis, disemboweled sheep... okay, that last one and the vomiting part where a bit gross, but war is never pretty.

keep up the good work !

[Zazdor]

The sheep was a nice addition, wasn't it? It just sort of . . . happened.

Rashida was introduced, and Zirilan and Hivis showed up again after hiding from a whole book. Mentions of Jolrael and Mangara. Had I decided to keep prologues and epilogues for each book, this would have been a prologue anyway. Regardless, I hope it drew you back into Jamuraa!

And some exciting news:

I just thought of an awesome plot-quirk for chapters Thirty-One and Thirty-Four! The conclusions of those chapters won't change too much from my original outline, but I am so excited to get to them now! Currently working on Chapter Thirty, and should be finished with it by the end of the day...

[Spiritual Herder]

In case people haven't noticed yet: "EMBRACE THE HARBINGER" HAS BEGUN! Go check the first chapter and post here impressions and comments. I guess it will take some time for people realise that fact

On to my impressions: Zaz, are you sure YOU wrote this chapter? I haven't been used to such violent and gory scenes. That doesn't mean it wasn't absolutely superb, only that I felt like reading the 2nd book of a cycle trilogy that has been written by another author lol.

It was nice to see how the name Rashida Scalebane came about. The characters (though short-lived) were fine and the descriptions of the assault were fascinating (you reminded me of Tolkien, and this is definitely a compliment!).

Most will say that the most tragic and depressing figure in the chapter was Rashida, only because she lost everything and has to go on with that loss forever. I will disagree and say that the chapter's tragic personality was Jolrael. Even if this statement is going to raise some eyebrows since Jolrael is nowhere to be seen, it is her that caused so much pain and destruction, a true and pure guardian of nature lost in a misguided and ignorant rage.

I read my previous post again and realised I had written it before you post the chapter: Talking about successful guesses, eh?

[Zazdor]

Thanks for the complents! Wow!

As for the writing style: This is a very different chapter than the others we have seen. Battles have begun. In LION'S EYE, we saw some magic and some scuffles. I didn't try to do anything really different here--I guess it just goes to show that practice leads to improvment. I needed the visuals to (re)introduce the characters and conflict. Please remember, there is a great deal of characterizations in my work here, so this type of scene won't be in every chapter--but their frequency wil be more here than it was in LION'S EYE.

I was actually not as pleased with the Viashino pov scenes upon rereading them (not sure why), but they serve their purpose.

We'll see more of Jolrael eventually, and I am glad you mentioned her. I will warn you--she is my pet character of the story. Not that it gives her any special rights.

Also, a note on influences. A couple years ago, I read THE SCARLET LETTER and HOUSE OF THE SEVEN GABELS by Nathaniel Hawthorne. It took me a while to enjoy his books, but I have found I liked his approach (from what I could gleam of it). He spends most of the book with charcterizations, exposition, etc. Then, when things finally do start happening, you understand why and explanations are not needed as much. This is how I structured the story. Book II really picks up with action. It will cover a decent amount of time (like Book I), but when Book III comes along (wow I'm planning far too much in advance!) prepare for BAM!BAM!BAM!

Anyway, thanks again for the comments and compliments. I think you'll enjoy Book II if you favored Chapter Twenty-Eight so much. I look forward to future comments.

A hint for Chapter Twenty-Nine: We (1) visit a place of green mana that we have seen before, and (2) reintroduce some characters...

[Zazdor]

NOTE: With three people voting for Shauku, I will work something in that I had planned with her earlier than I anticipated (because it fits anyway). Just so you know, I do process this feedback--haha.

[Spiritual Herder]

Just read "Messages of Murder". It was a nice and easy read but more of a fill-in chapter, in order to bridge the six month gap since Mangara's disappearance.

What I liked most: the Quirion Elves description. Nice images and well-written, I slowly understand that I tend to like your descriptions.

What I disliked most: the fact that the three best scouts belong to three different nations: Zhalfir, Femeref and the White Wood Elves. It sounded kind of cliche.

With three people voting for Shauku, I will work something in that I had planned with her earlier than I anticipated

Yes,yes,yes please. Was I one of those 3 people? Guess...

Sidenote (and wish): I'm waiting for more people (HELD IN THE LION'S EYE readers or new) to embrace Zaz's work because it's worth it and it could evolve into the main attraction of our storyline forum. (that goes out to you too, Ix!)

[Zazdor]

It does feel like a filler chapter, I admit. However, I needed to reintroduce characters. I needed Ojala's anger and hate. And I did need to fill the readers in. However, this chapter will have a greater importance later, so don't forget about it!

As for the three best scouts--yeah, cliched. My fault. I didn't even consider it. I know I needed Ekemet (read flavor texts if you want stuff ruined for you!), and I had introduced Jaelina in LION'S EYE when they settled Salamzuri. She was originally supposed to be Ekemet, but then I found Ekemet was Femeref, so I had to change it. So had I two female scouts. I needed a male, and who better but an elf. And you'll see why I wanted more a bit later. I do, however (if I may say), love the name I gave the elven scout--Thoas, pronounced THOSS, with a long /o/ like the "o" in "those," but his name is pronounced without the effects of the /e/ in "those." Just one syllable. Well, that was a random tangent.

Anyway, I apologize for the cliche. If I ever revise it, I'd probably complete write Jaelina out of the story. But I'm not doing that right now, so please bear with me!

Herder, I have little doubt that you want more Shauku. You'll have to wait until Chapter Thirty-One. But I am excited with Chapter Thirty--I was able to include a handful of goodies!

[the Squirle master]

I just read the new chapter. Its quite interesting. Especialy the Wildfire part. Djinn are cool. *crosses fingers and waits for Kookus*

PS: That imp on the pillar, was that a Burning-Palm Efreet?

PPS: Nice mentioning of Otaria BTW

[Zazdor]

I liked writing this chapter for several reasons:

1. I got to introduce Hakim's drake (Mangara had passed it off as an exaggeration of the Chronicler's in LION'S EYE).
2. The execution was inspired by a red card from Mirage/Visions, and I got to introduce some of Telim'Tor's philosophies.
3. I loved the visual of Qhattib's meeting room, with all the possibilities--black and white, metal and wood, woven and sculpted, red and green, blue and yellow, paintings of all styles--I could have gone on for paragraphs with the room's wacky possibilities, or even the continent/nation it was derived from, but I didn't want to waste time!
4. I got to introduce the plane of Wildfire itself, in all its fiery glory.

Pillar Imp: It was nothing in particular, just some resident of the Caliph's palace. It was probably an efreet.

Otaria: Yeah, I needed some place, so why not mention Otaria in pre-Invasion Dominaria, right?

These first three chapters (up to Chapter 33) are all spent reintroducing characters, covering the past six months since Mangara's capture, developing characters, progressing the plot, etc . . . all for chapters 36-38, the rest of Book Three, and leading into the excitement of Book Four.

I have been actively thinking over chapter Thirty-One for weeks, adding to it and fleshing out characters. I have made some decisions for the end of Book Three, and some of those thoughts will be present in Chapter Thirty-One (not that you will know what they are). So, each scene (another Zhalfiran nobility/guildmage montage!) does has a significance eventually. If the individual scenes aren't enough, there's a little mystery in the chapter to propell you along.