We come in peices. [17+]

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so yeah, i was browsing around on my da, and i found this story that i wrote like forever ago. and i just figured you guys might like to read it if you have the time, and tell me what you think....


@mods. im posting parts so it will be a tad bit easier on the eyes. sorry if im breaking any rules or anything.



“In what seem to be only the work of Satan, body parts are falling from the sky, coming to life, and attacking everyone around. This could possibly be the end of the life, as we know it.” Said the news Reporter as a falling limb took him out, then attacked the cameraman.

It had to be the worst day of my life… This is the story of how it started.

About a week ago, my friend Ian and his girlfriend, Keri, were going camping since school got out. He asked Jasmine (my girlfriend) and me if we wanted to tag along. We figured why not.

That day, Looking up into the sky, there wasn’t a cloud in sight. The sun was shining; its like God wanted to give us that one perfect day, except for the heat. If I remember correctly, the weatherman said something along the lines of, “Its going to be a nice day out for your first day of summer, a high of 79, with a nice wind blowing to the north…” so much for that. It felt more like 120 out, with no wind and a low of “I want to die”. I never trusted him before, and I don’t know why I did that day.

We left our hometown of, Mannington, in the mid-afternoon. Ian, being the person that he is, fortunately found one of the best camping spots. It was a small cabin, about a twenty-minute drive from Mannington, which his pap has owned for the last few decades. Maintenance on the cabin was few and far between, but it’s been holding up surprisingly well, with the exception that it looked like it was just dropped where it currently sits. It sat on a hill that overlooked our town, and good ol’ lake Manny.

There were also some woods near the cabin, which “Tied the place together” his pap used to say all the time, and they somehow did. They always seemed to be saying, “Stay away” just from how they looked. Deep, dark, cold, scary, you name it; it would probably describe them.

Once we reached the campsite, Ian got out of his truck and headed into the cabin to look around. Jasmine got out of my car as I popped the trunk. She went over to the fire pit and started to kick the mountain pie makers around as she was taking in the view. I grabbed our sleeping bags and headed into the cabin to look for Ian.

“This place is so nice, how did your pap manage to find this first?” I said dropping the bags onto the floor.

“I’m not entirely sure, I never asked him.”

“You should sometime, I’d love to know. Which room do you guys want?”

“It doesn’t matter, lets flip a coin. Tails you get front, heads you get back.”

Ian started to rummage around in his pockets for a coin, but couldn’t find one. I started to look through my things, but as I did, Keri came in the cabin and said, “We should finish all this later. Its so hot out, why don’t we go for a swim?” I glanced at Ian, then back to Keri and said, “I’m up for.” And headed towards the door. Ian shrugged his shoulders and dropped his things as he headed for the door aswell.

As we got outside, we felt the heat. Inside the cabin, it had to be at least 50 degrees cooler. I started to look around for Jasmine; I couldn’t find her anywhere. I walked around the cabin to see her lying under a tree with a hose hanging off of it spurting water down on to her.

“Are you really that hot?” I said to her thinking, I hope no one else comes back here.

“Yeah, you have no idea.” She said sitting up.

“Well, were going down for a swim if you want to come, or you can stay here and make your own lake.”

“I’d love to, come help me up.” Jasmine laughed.

I got her up and sprayed the mud off of her with the hose. We walked back around front. Ian and Keri were nowhere to be found. I looked over at jasmine and said, “They’re probably down at the lake already.” As I grabbed her hand and headed down there.

As we got closer to the lake, I noticed Keri leaning on the edge of the dock, laughing saying, “Ian’s that’s enough, you need to come up.” I heard Jasmine laughing at her, but as we got closer Keri’s voice went from that of laughter to panic. “IAN! IAN!! IAN!!!” she yelled as she laid down on the dock putting her arms in the water trying to reach for him. I stopped in my tracks, and looked over at Jasmine who was just staring at me. “Oh ****!” I exclaimed as I let go of her hand and ran down to the lake.

I got to the dock and without hesitation jumped in, only to realize the water was about 3 feet deep, and very cold, it felt as if I had just jumped into a cooler. I got up, and turned around just to see Ian under the dock. He and Keri started to bust out laughing. I acted all pissed and walked over to the dock.

“Keri, you want to help me up?”

“Sure” She said as she put out her hand for me to grab.

I grabbed her hand and pulled as hard as I could. Her expression changed from laughter to what the hell in less than a second as she hit the water. Ian couldn’t resist laughing, as much as he tried. Jasmine chuckled a little bit, but stayed away from the dock, I was guessing she was afraid that we might do the same thing to her. Keri slowly stood up in the water, and just stared at me. My laughing slowly came to an end. I could tell she was pissed off.

“Oh my god, what did you do? You just ruined my favorite shoes.” She said throwing one at me.

“There sandals. They couldn’t be ruined from water.” I said confused.

“Whatever, you’re a dick”

“Ok?” I said to her as she made her way out the water.

Keri walked up to Jasmine and without hesitation shoved her into the water.

“Good, now were all wet.” She said as she jumped back into the lake.

Ian just looked at me as he came out from underneath the dock and shook his head. We were at the lake for at least two hours, just swimming, playing Marco Polo, and trying to drown each other.

The sun was starting to set, Ian headed out of the water and said “We should go set up camp before it gets too dark”. I agreed with him as I got out of the lake. Keri and Jasmine just sat there talking. Keri looked at us and said, “We’ll be up in a little bit.”

Back at the campsite, Ian started to unpack his truck. I was over at the fire pit using my Boy Scout knowledge to make a fire. I got the tinder lit and let it go. I asked Ian to help me move the table closer so we wouldn’t have to go as far to grab the food supplies.

“Man, those woods are so creepy at night. I wonder what’s in them.” He said as we put the table down.

“Probably just some furry woodland creatures and maybe a bear, nothing that you should worry about.” I said as I started to make a mountain pie.

Ian grabbed the other pie maker; “I hope your right.”

“Stop being so paranoid.” I said as I finished my pie and placed it on the hot coals in the middle of the fire.

Soon Keri and Jasmine came back from the lake, and stood by the fire to dry off. Ian and me went over to the fire and stood next to them

“What’s cooking?” Jasmine said to me as she gave me a kiss.

“Whatever you want, as long as it’s a mountain pie.”

“Hmm… so many choices. I guess ill have a mountain pie.” She laughed.

I pulled my pie out of the fire, as Ian put his in where mine was. I took it back to the picnic table, took out the pie and cut it in half. Jasmine had taken a seat on a bench that was near the fire. I sat next to her. Ian soon did the same thing with his; Keri had taken a seat as well. He grabbed a chair and pulled it over beside her. There wasn’t a lot of talking done. Everyone seemed to be watching the sun set. It was like the cherry on top of a sundae, the best part to some people.

Along with the dark, came the cold. It brought the temperature down to what felt like 50, or hoodie-weather. Keri started to make her famous smore’s. If you’ve never had a smore’s made in a mountain pie maker, I’d suggest you do so. Ian kept on mentioning that someone should tell a scary story. Unfortunately nobody had one to tell. Being the friend I was, and knowing how paranoid Ian got, I decided to make one up about the woods.

“They say, at the beginning of every 13th summer, Manny’s Woods, is the place where Satan sends some of his minions onto earth.” I started. “The minions come for one thing. Human bodies.”

Keri let out a sigh, “Knock it off brad.” As she grabbed Ian’s hand.

“The portal of which they come through is only open for a week, so they must make haste.” I said as Jasmine elbowed me. “But now that I think about it… wasn’t it like twelve or thirteen years ago that all those kids went missing?”

About thirteen years ago, Mannington High School sent about 3 busloads of kids to Seven Flags as an award for their perfect grades and/or attendance on the last day of school. No one knows what really happened, but one of the buses never came back. Three years after that, a hiker found a bus on its side in Monty’s Gorge, you needed to go through the gorge to get to Seven Flags, it was about a 3 hour drive from Mannington. There were no bodies in the bus, and they never found them over the 10-year period afterwards.

Ian started to say, “Yeah it was thirteen years ag…” then stopped abruptly.

Keri looked at me with the same eyes as down at the lake, “Its getting late, why don’t we head to bed?”

Jasmine agreed and followed Keri inside. I got up to put out the fire. Ian was just sitting there.

“Hey, you know that story I made up was just that, a story, right?”

“Yeah.”

There was nothing else said between us. I finished putting out the fire and walked Ian inside. Ian headed for his room; I shut the front door and headed for mine. As I was changing, it sounded like something hit the roof, then loud scratching quickly followed it, as if something was sliding off and grabbing whatever it could. Ian came over to my room.

“Did you hear that?”

“Yeah, I think it was a squirrel, but I can go outside and look if you want me to.”

“No, its cool, I was thinking it was a squirrel too, but I just wanted to make sure you heard it.” Ian let out a fake laugh.

“Alright, Night.”

“Yeah, Night.”

He headed back to his room to get a goodnight’s rest, or at least try. Looking back, I wish I would have gone and checked. I never thought that I could have been so wrong.

The morning came, earlier than usual it seemed. Ian was the first to be fully awake. I was partially awake, but trying to sleep more. I heard him out in the kitchen making some coffee. Soon it sounded as it something else had hit the roof. It was a lot louder this time. I sat up as soon as I heard this, and headed out into the kitchen to check on Ian.

He was just standing at the window, shaking, almost in tears. I slowly walked up to him.

“Hey, dude, are you ok?” I put my hand on his shoulder gently

Ian just looked at me then back out the window. I took a look out, and instantly became pale. I couldn’t believe what I saw. What looked like human body parts were toying with my car, There was a hand clawing at my tires, which were flat. It looked like the torso and legs of a man were sticking out of my front window. I shut the curtains, not knowing how long Ian was standing there, I didn’t want to give them anymore time to notice us.

I looked at him as he was still shaking, then led him to the table and poured him a cup of coffee. I Put it down in front of him, and got myself a cup as I sat down on the other side of the table. We sat there for at least twenty minutes, not saying a word to each other. All I could think about was the story I told last night, and what Ian must be going through. Soon Keri got up and came out to the somewhat ambiance of silence, minus the sound of things toying with my car.

“What’s that noise?” she asked as she walked towards the front window.

Without moving my eyes away from my coffee, “Don’t open the curtains.” I said in a voice that didn’t sound like mine.

Keri just stopped, then came and sat down at the table, “What’s going on?” in a worried tone.

We didn’t say anything to her. Soon Jasmine got up and came as sat at the table. She looked at Ian and me, then at Keri.

“What’s wrong with them? They look as if they had seen a ghost.”

“I’m not sure. They won’t talk to me, or let me open the curtains.”

“Hmm…” Jasmine got up to go to the curtains.

Ian and I looked at her as she went to the blinds, and yelled “No!” in perfect synchronization it seemed. It was too little too late though. She opened the curtains. Her jaw dropped as she said “What the ****?” Keri headed to the window while Jasmine was just standing there. She left out a loud scream. I got up as fast as I could to shut the curtains. I didn’t even look outside to see if they noticed us or not.

We all sat back down at the table, as the silence grew, so did the fear. I started to look at Ian, my eyes moved towards Jasmine who was about to burst into tears, then I took a quick glance at Keri.

She was shaking uncontrollably, “Brad, what are we going to do? We can’t stay here for long,” she asked.

I just stared back at the steam coming off of my coffee; “I have no idea.”



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Then we got back to our town, we realized that no one would believe us. So we decided to show our parents first. We got to our houses, told our parents, and ofcorse, they didn’t believe us. We grabbed them and drove them back to our campsite. But to our disbelief, the site looked like we were never there. The beds inside the cabins were made, our clothes were nowhere to be found, and my car was not there, the tire prints were even gone. Our parents looked at us, and asked us what really happened, we told them the story again, and they just shook there heads. My mother was probably the maddest out of all the parents because I’m missing my car. We decided to head back to town and try and forget about what happened. But we couldn’t, and no one believed us which made it worse.

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When we got back to town, it seemed just as jolly as it ever did. And just to think about what had happened earlier that day. Keri had to go home, since her mom was worried about her mental stability. Jasmine was forced to go home, all because her parents thought I was on drugs and giving them to her. Ian and me set off to our local coffee shop to try and get a grasp on what was going on. When we got there, we were happy to see our friend, Maria, working. We’ve known her since grade school, and sometimes it seems even longer. Luckily she was our waitress too. She came over and got our order. “Two black coffees” we said, almost unable to speak, jittery as ever, shaking uncontrollably. She asked what was wrong, we said nothing back. Just stared down. We didn’t notice anything around us for the longest time. Maria had come to the table and said, “Here you go” we didn’t hear her. As soon as she set down the coffee, it made a “thump”. Ian jumped in his seat, and I jumped backward tipping my chair, and almost tipped the table. The shop grew silent. Everyone was staring at us. I got up, put the chair back and walked outside for a smoke without looking or saying anything to anyone. Maria watched me as I went outside, then looked to Ian who was rocking back and forth. She asked “What’s wrong with you guys?” Ian said nothing. Maria looked over at her manager who was watching the whole thing, and gave him a face that said; “Do you mind if I take 20?” The manager just nodded.

Maria came outside, and walked slowly over to me, leaned up against the wall and said “Its ok, its just me.” “That’s good.” I said as I took a hit from my cigarette. A few moments of silent passed until Maria asked “So, do you want to tell me what’s going on? You guys are acting as if you killed someone.” I said nothing as I just stared forward. Maria became a little bit panicky, stepped away from the wall and walked in front of me then said “Oh no, don’t tell me you guys actually did?” I shook my head and said “No don’t worry, but even if I did tell you, you wouldn’t believe me. You’d just think I’m crazy like everyone else.” Maria laughed and said “I already think your crazy, but try me.” So we stepped over to an empty table and sat down as I told her what happened. After I was done, she just looked at me confused and eventually said, “Very funny, I’m not that gullible.” I threw what was left of my cigarette onto the ground, then said, “I told you.” As I walked back inside. Ian had composed himself; he was back to talking, and enjoying his coffee as best he could.

When I sat down he asked, “Why did you get me black coffee? You dick.” I knew he was back to being himself and I just said “Cause I knew it would piss you off.” He looked at me, with eyes that said “I’m going to kill you” but yet, he still drank his coffee. We soon got onto talking about what to do. Maria came back in and sat at our table as she heard us say, “We’re going to have to go back up there tonight.” “You guys aren’t kidding around are you?” she said as we just looked at her and got back to talking. “Well, I want to come up tonight.” Ian and me just stopped talking and stared at her. A lot of awkward silence passed. “Are you being serious?” Ian asked. “Yes, I am, I get off at 8, so come and get me when you guys head up there, but I need to get back to work, the coffee’s on the house.” We just said “ok” as she walked away. Ian shook his head in confusion and then said, “I need to check on Keri, call me when you’re ready to go.” Then he got up and left. I left shortly after cause I knew I needed to get check on Jasmine.

During the walk over, I had this bad feeling in my gut. I didn’t know what it was about, I just knew it wouldn’t be good. I tried to not let it get at me as best I could. When I got to the sidewalk in front of her house, I could hear them arguing. I took a deep breath and walked up to her door, then knocked. I could hear the arguing moving my way, I grew tense and scared. Jasmine opened the door in tears. As she saw me she came running out, gave me a hug and said, “I’m sorry.” As I was about to say for what, she put her finger up to my mouth and said “Don’t say anything.” I nodded, then she said “My parents are making us break up, they think your on drugs and are giving them to me. I’m sorry.” She gave me a kiss and said, “I love you.” Before turning around and running back into the house in tears. I stood there; thinking it was a dream, a really bad dream. A Few moments later her father opened the door and said, “Get off my property.” As he slammed the door. I slowly turned around and made my way off their porch. I got to the sidewalk and took one last look at her house. It seemed as if I left my heart just lying there. I couldn’t help but think, “I hope I’m not turning into one of them…”

I started my slow trek home. Just thinking about what happened. I soon heard “Hey Brad! Wait up!” I turned around to see Maria running towards me. But I kept on walking. Maria lived 2 houses down from me, so it wasn’t weird to see us walking home together all the time. She caught up to me and asked what was wrong, I told her about the jasmine thing trying not to burst into tears. Maria just looked down and said, “I’m so sorry.” As she gave me a hug. We continued to walk home in silence, until she started humming. For some reason her humming has always calmed me down, or brought me up. We eventually got to my house, I told her that id be over in like 15 minutes after I called Ian. She said, “Ok, ill see you then.” Then smiled as she went to her house.

I went inside and grabbed the phone as I headed up to my room. I called Ian to tell him I was ready, and to ask how Keri was doing. Suprisingly, she was doing fine, and wanted to go back up tonight with us. Ian asked me how Jasmine was doing, and I told him what had happened. He was shocked, and said, “I’m sorry man.” Then some silence passed until he said, “I’ll be over in like 20 minutes. I told him ok then hanged up the phone. I grabbed my camera and went downstairs to tell my mom what was going on. She said “we’ll you better be going there this time.” I just flipped her off and walked to the door. As I opened the door she hollered “Bring back your car too, I know you know where it is!” I hollered back “Go to hell woman” then slammed the door and headed over to Maria’s.

I knocked on her door, her mom answered. She asked me how I was, I told her “I’ve been a lot better.” She just smirked and said, “You’ll be fine. Things will workout for you somehow. Maria will be down in 2 minutes if you want to come inside.” I shook my head, and took a seat on the steps. Maria’s mom shut the door with a sad look on her face. Moment’s later Maria came out and sat next to me. We sat there in silence with the occasional “Care for a smoke?” Maria started to hum. I grew a little bit happy inside.

Ian came speeding up in his dad’s truck, and came to a screeching halt in front of Maria’s. He rolled down his window, and hollered “All aboard the crazy train! Next stop Hell!” He seemed to have gotten back to being himself. Maria started to laugh as I looked over at her. She looked at me and stopped, then said “It’s going to be ok, you’ll see.” Then she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the truck. For some reason, after all that had happened, I believed her.

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Once we got to the campsite, it looked like it had earlier in the day when we took our parents. Nothing was disturbed, not a leaf on the ground, not even our footprints were there. Maria started to look around and said “You guys better not be pulling my leg or something.” We just shook out heads and said nothing to her. Ian stopped the truck, got out and said “Brad, come help me set this trap.” So I got out, and told Maria and Keri to be careful and not to venture anywhere without us. As me and Ian started to set the trap, Maria got out to look around, after a few minutes she came over to us and asked “How did you guys manage to find such a beautiful place?” “My pap owns this land” Ian said without much hesitation and added, “I’m glad you think it’s beautiful, I’m never going to be able to come here again.” Ian got finished with the trap, hollered for Keri, then hopped in the bed of the truck. Keri got out and went over near Maria; Ian shouted, “Catch!” as he tossed Maria and Keri some flashlights. Then he looked towards me and tossed me some night vision goggles as well as a 9mm and said, “I hope you know how to use that.” I took a deep breath and said, “I hope so too, I just don’t know about my aim.” Ian started to laugh as he hopped out of the truck bed. He double-checked the trap to make sure it was working and then said, “Well, we’ll find out soon enough, were heading into the woods.” Everyone started to look at the woods, I asked Maria to grab my camera. Then we started our adventure to hell.

Ian took the lead; Keri was clinging on to him for dear life it seemed. Maria and I followed behind. I was jumping at the slightest sounds, all the while thinking of the whole Jasmine thing. Maria was trying to comfort me as best she could. Eventually she did. We got onto talking about my future, her future, the worlds, bears, fruity pebbles, anything you could think of. We feel behind Ian and Keri, we were barley able to see there light. After Awhile, “Jesus Christ” we heard Ian say, “What the hell is this?” So Maria started to run towards them, and I quickly followed her lead. When we got there, we saw a fridge with a bunch of flies flying around it, and Keri was no were to be seen, although we could hear her throwing up in the woods a few feet away. Maria walk up beside Ian, and took a look inside the fridge, Her eyes got large, and she started to open her mouth, we knew she was going scream. Ian quickly covered her mouth with his hand and said “Don’t even think about it right now, we don’t know if there around.” Maria nodded her head, then Ian took his hand away “What the **** is this” She exclaimed. I walked up beside her; she was almost in tears. She saw me coming up, so she ran over, gave me a hug and said, “I’m sorry”. “For what?” I asked back. “For not believing you”, she said as the tears started to come out. I was about to say “Its ok” but before I was able to say it, I thought I heard the sound of a heart beating. It was a lot louder then it would be coming from inside some body so I instantly though “What the ****?” I slowly let go of Maria and made my way towards who was still staring at the fridge. I took one look, and couldn’t believe what I saw. The fridge was full of organs, but the worst part was that some of them were still alive, some of them still pumping blood. The smell was so immense I could barley stop myself from throwing up. I slowly started to walk backwards and tripped over a tree stump. I sat on the ground for a few moments until I was able to compose myself and said, “Is this really real? Or is it all just a dream?” I was hoping to god that it was all a dream, “Even if we do tell anyone about this, there just going to want to send us to a mad house!”

Maria, Composed herself as best she could and said, “Well, maybe they’ll believe us now” As she took a picture. At the sound of the camera, the heart started to beat faster and faster. We all heard it, and started to panic a bit. Ian shook his head and said “Let’s not panic, it might make things worse.” As he said that the heard started to move. Ian shouted “Holy ****!” and shot the thing before it could come near us. The woods grew ever so silent, a creepy silence. We started to look at each other just thinking “We should probably get the **** out of here.” As we all stood up, the sound of the tree leaves rustling came to our ears followed by a loud thump. Keri started to cling on Ian again. Maria was just standing there shaking. We heard a loud grunt. Without hesitation Ian just started to run as fast as he could to the cabin, I grabbed Maria’s hand and followed closely behind. As we were running back, we started to hear more thumps, and tree branches breaking. Maria was starting to stumble, so I stopped and told her to hop on my back. We made it to the cabin; Ian locked the door and shut the windows. He told us to make sure all the lights were out and the windows were locked.

Maria opened the door to the back bedroom to check, but she opened the door and saw what looked like sleeping bags, so she came walking back out to Ian and me. Then asked “Didn’t you guys say your sleeping bags were gone when you came up here earlier?” Ian looked at me as I looked at him, then we both looked at Maria and asked her to show us. So we got up and asked Keri if she was alright, she just sat on the couch and said nothing staring blankly at the wall. So we followed Maria back to the room and sure enough, our sleeping bags were lying there. We cautiously open the bags making sure there were no body parts, and luckily there wasn’t. Keri started to holler for us, So we went running back out, she was almost in tears and said quietly “Theirs something scratching at the door. Ian made his way to a window, and looked out. He let out a sigh of relief and said, “It’s only a tree branch.” “You guys can go try and get some sleep if you want to, Ill stand guard.” We all agreed, I told Ian that if he wanted to get some sleep later on to wake me up and I would stand guard. Then Maria and I made our way into the first bedroom, since it was the closest to the front door. Keri said she would sleep on the couch so Ian wouldn’t be alone.

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We left the door open to make an easier get away if we needed to. Maria made her way to one of the beds; I double-checked the windows and laid down in the other. Maria had surprisingly composed herself back into a functioning member or society, I was still a wreck, and she could tell. She asked what was wrong, and I said, “do you really need to ask?” I could tell she was getting a little bit sad about me. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but there are other fish in the sea.” She said. “Yeah but, just last night, we were happy talking about our future together, and now, theirs nothing. And even if there are other fish out there, who would want to take the time to get to know me now, everyone just thinks I’m a mental wreck.” I said. Maria let out a sigh and said, “Well theirs your problem. You’re trying to search the sea before you even get to it, why not look around in your fish tank first? I know of at least one girl that would take the time to do that.” And at that moment I finally realized something. All these years that me and Maria were friends, full of her always wanting to hang out, and wanting to get to know me. Did she like me? I mean I always had a liking for her, she’s easy to get along with, you can joke around with her, hold deep conversations, she enjoyed doing simple things, and on top of that, she’s attractive. But I never thought it was a mutual feeling. I rolled over in my bed so I was facing her and said “Really? You can tell her that maybe I would like to start something in the near future, but a of right now, its just to soon.” She smiled and said “I’m glad to hea… err… I’m sure she will be glad to hear that. Goodnight.” “Goodnight” I said back as she rolled over to get some sleep.

A few hours later Ian came into my room and woke me up saying “Rise and shine sleepy head. Daddy needs some rest.” I rolled over to him and said “You need to work on your lines to say to people when you wake them up.” Then I got up and grabbed my things to go out and stand guard. Ian and Keri had turned on the fireplace, I was happy to see it. Keri and Ian headed into the back bedroom. At first my thoughts were all on protecting everyone, but then I sat down near the fireplace and couldn’t help but start thinking about Maria, and what she said. Soon I started heard some footsteps, so I got up to see who or what it was. To my relief if was just Maria. “You should of woken me up” she said as she sat down on the sofa near the fire. “I figured you wanted some sleep,” I said as I took a seat next to her. After some silence she started talking about what she said earlier. Then started to inch closer and closer until we were touching. She looked over at me, as I was looking at her, I knew what she was thinking, I was thinking the same thing too. We leaned in to each other for a kiss, but as soon as we did. We heard a loud clang outside, followed by some rattling. We knew we had caught something. So we went and woke up Ian and told him what we heard. He got up and said “Finally, some action!” So he grabbed his things and put on his shoes, then told Keri and Maria to stay inside, as we slowly made our way to the door.

We made our way outside, flashlights in one hand, guns clenched in the other. Our first thoughts were to check the trap, but that went away quickly when Ian saw the truck and said “Oh ****, the guns!” so he ran over and jumped in the bed. To his relief the guns were still there. “That could have been really bad,” he said. “Really? I’m glad we have you around to point these things out, I don’t know what would of happened if you were here.” I said. Ian told me a few choice words. But soon lost interest as he heard the trap rattling around. He hopped on out of the bed, and slowly made his way to the trap, I was walking beside him. We got to the trap. As we shined our lights on it, we saw it was just a skunk. Ian sunk a little bit and said, “Oh well, better luck next time?” We shined out lights back on the cage and noticed that the skunk was dead. I said “If its dead how was it making the cage move?” Ian looked at me and started to walk closer. I moved closer as well, keeping the light on the cage at all times. Ian got up to the cage and poked the skunk with the tip of his gun. The skunk’s stomach started to me, and we both jumped back. “What the hell did it eat?” Ian said looking at me. I shrugged my shoulders and kept staring at it. Slowly the skunk started to tear open, and what looked like fingers came protruding out. Our eyes got big. Ian looked ever so happy. Soon a whole hand came out of its stomach. It shook blood off of itself as if it were a dog that just came out of water, then turned around to look at us, we knew it was looking at even though it didn’t have eyes. It got tense and lunged at as, I guess it forgot it was in a cage, but as it hit the side, the cage moved at least 2 feet.
We both jumped. Ian told me to grab the cage while he ran back to the truck to move the guns. I took a deep breath, and grabbed the cage, keeping it as far away from my body as possible.

We set the cage in the back of the truck, then tied it down. We looked at each other like we just climbed Mount Everest, and nodded our heads. As we went back inside, Maria wanted to know if we got anything, we told her and Keri what happened. They both looked disgusted. Ian locked the door again, and said, “Alright, lets try to get some sleep.” We all went back to our rooms and slept as best we could. Trying not to think about what happened this night.

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Not bad. Interesting, though. Kind of a nice twist on the whole zombie theme. Of course, I suspect that this probably isn't as zombie-related as the story thus far would suggest.

I don't think I've read enough to really form an opinion of the story yet. The one suggestion I would give you, though, would be to run it through a spelling and grammar check. I know some of the bad grammar is because the narrator talks like that, but there are other places where that and the spelling makes it so I have to guess at the original sentence's content. Not cool.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it, though. Once you've posted the rest of it, I'll be happy to give you a full critique and review.

Also, no, you haven't broken any rules. Double posting is allowed in A&A so long as you offer new content in each consecutive post (another picture, more story, etc.), so as of right now you're good.

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woo! someone looking forward to reading my writings!
but yeah, i was proof reading it yesterday at work, and ran into alot of what you were saying bout the spelling, grammar, and cant understand sentences. i made some edits, but haven't had time to make any changes.
and like you said, its not a typical zombie story, altho some ideas i have (thanks to my messed up friends) are really gory, and would fit in in any zombie tale.
i hope have some more typed up this weekend.

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The next morning I woke up early just to try and get a grasp on what had happened last night. I made my way to the kitchen to get myself a nice cup of coffee, as I turned the pot on, I started to sing. Maria soon woke up, either because of my awful singing, or she smelled the coffee. She came out to the kitchen wrapped in a blanket and leaned up against the wall as she was watching me sing “Build me up buttercup” to whatever was closest to me. I had no idea that she was watching me until the coffeepot went off. I noticed her and stopped singing mid lyric. Just staring blankly at her for a few moments until I said “Why do you build me up buttercup baby, just to bring me down again?” She laughed a bit and took a seat at the table. I grabbed two mugs, and filled them. I set one down in front of her and another one on the other side of the table where I was going to sit.
Maria asked me to open up some of the curtains to let some light in. I agreed and made my way to the front window. I opened the curtains, stared outside for a minute, then quickly closed the blinds and made my way back to the table. I sat down as Maria was watching me the whole time. I took a sip of my coffee and said, “We’re probably going to need more coffee.” Shaking a bit. Maria looked at me, and said “Don’t even tell me.” “Ok I wont, but I need to tell Ian.” I said and got up just as fast as I sat down.
I walked quietly back to where Ian was resting. I gently shook him and said “Ian, you need to wake up, we have a bit of a problem.” Ian mumbled something along the lines “I don’t care, I want to sleep.” So I started to shake him harder and said “I don’t care, you really need to wake up. Theirs more things outside and there in your truck.” Ian rolled over at me, half-asleep. He sat up, and tried to take what I said in. I made the “Get the **** up, and have some coffee so we can do something about it” gesture towards him. He started to blink a lot, then looked at me and said “Dude, its 7am, let me get some sleep.” I put my head down and said “No, you can get some sleep later, or did you forget you had guns in your truck?” Ian just said “Oh well.” And then laid back down. I got fed up with him, so I drug him from his bed out to the front window and opened the curtains. This time Maria came for a look aswell. Ian took one look outside and said “What the hell, they better not be trying to steal my truck.” I just gave up on him, I let go of him and he hit the floor. Which wasn’t the best idea I ever had.
As he hit the floor, he made a loud “thump”, and all the things outside heard it. I quickly shut the curtains and started to slap Ian. He eventually got back to being himself. He got up and went to the table. I gave him some coffee and asked him what we should do. “About what?” he said. I slammed my head off the table, then told him to come to the window with me. I opened the curtains one more time, and he saw what was out there. “**** man, they’re evolving?” Ian said. I took another glance out, and saw what he saw. The things had turned into full and partially bodied things, instead of just limbs. Ian pointed out one that had no arms. He looked at me and said, “What’s he going to do? Bleed on us?” I knew he was finally back to being himself, and trying to cheer everyone up in this dire of times. I shut the curtains quickly and we made our back to the table to try and think of something to do.
Keri woke up soon after; she came out to the table and saw us sitting there. She knew something was up, but she didn’t want to ask what, instead she just asked, “Is there anything I can do to help?” We just told her to sit down and we would explain the situation to her. She seemed to have come to grips with what was going on, and it wasn’t freaking her out anymore. We just sat there for a little bit, trying to brainstorm. Keri eventually said, “I think it has to do with the woods.” as then she took a sip of her coffee, “I think we should go back to town and get more people then go explore those woods, we might find an answer.” We all just looked at her, and said that was a good idea, but we reminded her of all the things outside. “Well, if its like the movies, they’d move slow, so we just need to make a diversion, then hop in the truck.” Keri said.
We sat at the table trying to think up some kind of diversion. Eventually Ian got up and started to walk around and thought up the idea to make a molitov cocktail, he figured it would either scare them away, or suck them in. But before anyone could say anything more, he started on making one. He found an empty Jack Daniels bottle in the cupboard, “You will not die in vain.” He said, holding it in his hands. He put some kerosene and a rag in it. He lit the rag on fire, opened the front door and yelled, “Catch!” as he tossed the bottle as far as he could. Then slammed the door. He watched at the window as the things started to move toward the bottle. He told us to run to the truck as fast as we could. We grabbed what we could and ran to the truck. We hopped in and headed back to town as fast as we could.

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Im reworking the story entirely. ill post up edits as get them done.
first chapter has been re-worked.